Your body knows. Everyones does. It may just be that you are ignoring it. The body is knows yes and no. It may just be that we haven’t listened in so long that we are confusing the signs. Discovering our intuition can take practice. It is a muscle that needs to be worked out. Let’s practice right now. I want you to think of something that feels like a yes. It could be a person, a place, a memory, something you are looking forward to. Now feel in to your body…feel the yes. Notice the sensations arising, the feeling in your bones, what is present in your belly. Get comfy with the yes. Where else do you experience this feeling? Perhaps scribble down or make a mental note of more yeses in your life. Notice the feeling. The sun on your face, breeze in your hair type of yes. Affirm, this is my yes.
Now to no. What is a no in your life? That old toxic work environment, an awful neighbor, a bad memory of a break-up. Find the no. How does this feel in your body? Where does it live? Notice the sensation, notice the no’s home. Feel the contraction of the no. What or who else feels like no in your life?
Now let’s talk about maybe. The body doesn’t give maybe’s. The body gives you Truth. The mind however, loves a maybe. The mind loves to over analyze, overthink, worry and tends to not trust the body’s intuitive knowing. So we get confused. For example, “Something is off about that person” (feels like no in the body) “but everyone else likes them and they appear to be cool and popular.” (mind justifies your experience, looks for external clues) Should you trust this person? Go on a date, hire them, befriend them or do you listen to the no feeling? The minds quiries and the body’s messages get jumbled and we end up with maybe.
Can you think of a time when your body said no and you said yes?
Can you think of a time when your body said yes and you said no?
Can you see that that body is always speaking to you and how often we crawl back upstairs into our minds and try to justify what the body is saying? The body is a barometer for truth. If it feels off, it is. Always. No exceptions. However, most of us were never taught to trust ourselves. We live in a society that values the mind only. We love cold hard facts, data, and justification. It can be hard to argue, “I just feel it” in many settings.
Practicing listening to our yes and no is step one. Acting on our yes and no is step two. Try it in micro ways. Try it while you look at a menu the next time you are out at a restaurant. Try it the next time you meet someone (anyone!) does this person give me a no feeling or a yes feeling. When we practice this in a small way, our intuition strengthens so that when we have to make a big decision—a new job, leaving a relationship etc, we can trust our bodies!
I have taught this concept for years with teenagers. You can see how this is a powerful tool for consent for anyone but especially young people who are exploring relationships, partying, etc. Does this person feel like a yes or no? Does this situation feel like a yes or no? Let the body speak! Could you imagine what life could have looked like if you learned this sooner?
This tool is also essential in friendship. Who do you choose to keep in your inner circle? How does your body feel around them? In all my friendships now I feel at ease. Elizabeth Gilbert calls this feeling ‘vanilla pudding belly.’ I don’t much care for vanilla pudding but you get the point. The people around you make you feel good and if they don’t, it is time to rethink those relationships.
Once you are in co-committed friendships that you feel safe in, exploring the truth in your body becomes an even more powerful practice. You can share feedback, with consent of course ( hey, are you open to feedback?) “when you shared about this new vision for your life my body felt at tingly and bright!” This is a powerful tool in all relationships but sharing and practicing it with friends is life changing! Giving your friend a sounding board in which you share what feels alive for you as they share can move mountains! This is connected to one of the 5 Keys of Conscious Friendship and it has been revolutionary for me in giving and receiving feedback.
So go forth! Practice your yes and no. If you want to practice in a very safe container of a group setting this weekend. George Ramsay and I are leading a Conscious Friendship workshop which you can lean more about here.
Be well and find your truth
xo ally
My "no" is definitely my awful neighbor and I can absolutely feel it! It's interesting how often we fail to listen to our bodies, especially when it comes to rest.