I’m sitting at some Italian restaurant bar at the Jet Blue terminal at JFK. I’m on the way to Vancouver from New York. My life is unrecognizable. So much is changing. Both fast and slow.
I let out a big, unconscious sigh. The bartender spots me and comes over with the bottle of rosé. I only wanted one glass but he starts to pour. He makes the “shhh” sign with his finger and winks at me. On the house. I must look a mess. His gesture is not creepy at all. It’s adorable. His thick accent and kind eyes. I BURST into tears. And I’m still crying. I can’t stop.
It’s a mixed bag over here. My period, leaving my husband and dog in NYC, changes within my business, excitement of coming back to Vancouver, the feeling of not knowing where home is.
Bill just called to tell me that someone has made an offer on the land we wanted in Mexico and that they are moving quickly. It stings. We weren’t planning on making a an offer quite yet. Not sure what it all means.
My flight is delayed. My inbox piles up. My head hurts. But something about this kind man’s eyes and this on the house glass makes me slow down and open my heart. My bestfriend George texts me, “what if this isn’t a problem?” I roll my eyes but I know there is truth here. There really is no problem. Life is just living itself. Changing, moving, rolling on but here I am swimming upstream, naming every so called problem in sight.
My teacher always says, acceptance cuts our work in half. Meaning resistance would double the effort or double suffering. Can I accept this moment? Can I accept these changes? My shoulders soften. I say a prayer. I begin to name what I am grateful for instead of naming all these so-called problems.
It’s working. I pull my head up from my phone and I look around. There is love everywhere. A child’s laughter, a couple’s warm embrace, a few men cheering in tandem at the soccer game on the bar’s TV. People coming and going. Changing, moving forward. All of us together, momentarily living life beside each other. My tears are streaming but now I am smiling. How beautiful it all is. Change.
We can choose to accept or resist. A constant lesson for us all. It strikes me that I have been gripping life a little too tight lately. Afraid of the outcome. In fear about what is next. I take a deep breath. I leave a $20 tip for my on the house friend with the kind eyes. As I gather my stuff, he catches my eyes and says, “are you sure?” I nod. I am still crying. I say, “I had a bad day, but it’s better now.” He grins ear to ear. A small and meaningful exchange.
So I ask you, are you resisting life? Can you accept your current moment even though it may not be what you wanted? Can you see the love and the joy even when it’s hard? Can you feel life living around you? The shared human experience? Can you let it soften your belly and open your heart?
If you are looking for a good listen on change and cycles, this week’s podcast is all about the seasons of our cycles and how the moon effects our bodies. Listen here.
Speaking of moons…I am hosting a digital full moon ceremony on Tuesday at 6pm PST (recording will be sent out) It consists of meditation, breathwork and journaling. Sign up here.
In the meantime. I love you. I love life. I accept change. All is well,
xo Ally
Love you and your transparency All Maz, one of my teachers said ‘what you resist, persists’. So lets get on with our day and lose that dead weight
Love you and all the change that you inspire and inspires you 💛